overwhelmed

Captains log: Earth date 12032021

Yeah it’s Friday! What started out a good day, I got the results of my possible future and it was not what I wanted to hear.

It’s one of those days where your already negative going to see the doctor. You know the part where you already made up your mind and your a little cocky about it but your doing because all those people that love you and are around say go do it. So you do it… Yep that’s what happened.

I am really numb today and trying really hard to move past the answers and move on being happy. It is hard to that when you got some answers and it is NO WHERE the kind of answer you were expecting. So I am talking about a surgery now that will affect my life either way I decide and it could be life threatening, I heard what she said, the doctor that is, and I can’t make this decision today. I just can’t. I am overwhelmed to say the least. So my answer today is NO! Hell no! Not gunna happen. What I did agree on is to move forward with Radiation and chemo treatments.

You see the surgery is after I have the radiation and chemo treatments and it is to remove my esophagus and give me a new one using my stomach. It’s a major surgery and all kinds of things can happen, I would be in the hospital 10-15 days and it will take months to recover and get back to any normalcy. In my mind there goes 2022 all together. Like I said this is major and not a decision I wanted to make now. Plus that is no where what I thought I heard from my oncologist. Maybe it was and I just di dnot hear it that way.

The good is I am very healthy. The bad, I’m scared and in no way do I want to put myself through all this crap. And it is crap! What would you do?

Well at this point today sucked big time in the news department. I am not sure what my future holds. For now, I am going to moved forward on my treatments, do the radiation, and chemo and then when all is done meet with the surgeon and my oncologist again and go from there. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to focus and see a way to do this surgery. For now, no way!

There ya have it folks, that’s where we stand right now. UGH!

#ROCKtheTREATMENT